The Ex-girlfriend Showcase

   Who likes ex-gf's? Chances are 9 out of 10 will unanimously agree they are a thing of the past, dead...buried six feet under the ground and should just remain there. Unless you're a martyr who can tolerate such, then I don't see any reason to be worried. But for the rest of the sane, loving and healthy girlfriends, they induce high blood and stress! They are like annoying pests and leeches that will suck your patience dry.

   Yet they happen...every now and then she resurfaces like a hungry ghost who wants to make her presence known. She feels that she's a force to reckon with and has all the rights to reclaim her throne. I mean come on, Get a life of your own coz you're done and OVER with. You had your chance but you blew it! and now that you cannot find a better fish in the sea you'd come crawling back, begging for mercy?! Who are you kidding?

   I remember one instance when Mr G showed me an email from a former flame(she should just burn in flames!). She said she only wants to say hi and asks how things are?(what for?). It would've been fine if the mail ended like that, but to attach her recent pictures is like WTF is wrong with you? Is this some sort of a bio data wherein you have to reapply yourself after being fired? What's your purpose? To show that you're thinner and you've never looked any better? Or maybe you just want to show off your newfound bod by wearing a skanky attire in vain hopes of luring him back?

   Wrong move! He's already several light years away from where the two of you used to be. He's in Mars and your in Uranus! U r' in anus... Get that? Thus, because of this I came up with several types of ex girlfriends who continues to annoy our very existence.





1.


   She'll call  under the pretense that she's so helpless and has major problems. She'll use even the most stupid and mundane excuses just to have a reason to talk to him.

Examples:
   "Oh hi, sorry to bother you but my cat got stuck on the roof and *sobs* I don't know what to do, I need somebody to help me...boohoo!". (why don't you accompany your cat up there and be stuck together?)
   "I feel so empty and alone, and you're the only one who understands me. My life is a big mess...yakkity...yak..." (yeah... drama, go talk to your dog)
   "I am not feeling well, maybe I won't live long...(oh really?when's that gonna happen?)

   These women are the ones who's tiring to deal with. They'll exhaust you with their endless tirades of complaints and woes. She will call your man even during dead hours just to ask for help. Since she have long relied on him, she still believes and sees him as an integral part of her in order to fully function.

2.


   She won't show that she's affected over the breakup, but she'll find ways and means to bump into your guy coz she just "happens" to be there. She's the scheming and devious type. Full of pretensions and denial. She will find ways to make small chit-chats in high hopes of reconnecting with him. She will present herself as a shoulder to cry on (as a disguise that she's the most reliable woman on earth).

   These types are also the ones who tries to get close to his family and friends. They want to gain the sympathy and trust of the people closest to his heart. Sometimes bringing food to his mom. Calling her. Discreetly inquiring about him and asks what he's doing. She maintains a safe distance in order for her to not to look too desperate. She often uses other people to fish informations. She pretends not to care and is just being friendly. Yet she's always on the lookout for any dark facts or skeletons about the new gf which she aims to expose anytime. You can almost hear her say to him "See, I told you so! She's no good for you darling ladadi...ladida!". She'll find reasons to destroy your love. And once she hears that your relationship is in chaos, she'll pounce on your man like a hungry cheetah! Expect her to be the very first person around when things go wrong...coz like what I've said, she just "happens" to be there.

3.


   Beware of these kinds! They are the absolute loonies of the pack. They are  so obsessed with your guy that they're harbouring illusions of grandeur that they are still together. They can't accept defeat. They'll find ways and means to STALK and follow him. She knows where he eats, where he hangs out and what he does. She sends him a barrage of notes, endlessly calls him just to hear his voice and sometimes camps outside his house just to see his face. These women are delusional coz they also target the new object of affection. They will send hate messages to you, or mail a letter with your face slashed on the picture. She will threaten or even try to harm you. She sees you as the ultimate ENEMY!,  And  she'll do whatever it takes to get him back.  .

4.


 These exes are not the overly emotional types. They use their bodies to fill the void and emptiness they feel deep within. Sex is just sex. No biggie! So when they've used up the entire soccer team and start running out of options, they whip out their little black books and redial every guy they know to try and touch bases with them again. Usually they're not really after your man...they are just feeding on their own selfish interests. More of the self-serving kind of thing. They feel loved, wanted and desired with every throes of passions they commit. They are the lost souls. Confused of what they really need and want. Usually they end up empty and alone.

5.


 These are the perfect ex girlfriends for me. The coolest of the bunch because they simply don't care anymore. Once done, it's over. No ifs and buts. Zip...zilch...NADA!

   To them past is past and it is already frozen. They don't cry over spilt milk. They don't get stuck from "what might have beens". They know how to turn their lives around. And won't let the past get in the way. They simply move on...learn...and deal with it. 

   I have to say I fall under this category. I dont want to get stagnant from the past. It's a total waste of time. Being mushy about something will just lead me nowhere, that's why i find it best to live by the moment and appreciate what I currently have. 

6. 





   Up to now she's still in love with him...and it's been several years already. Nobody knows it but her. She may be with a new lover but deep inside it's still him that she wants.

    She gets teary-eyed when she hears their love song, sighs when she sees the places they used to go to, her heart still leaps at the sound of his name...She still remembers his favorite food, still checks for his daily horoscope, and still wonders if he's eating well...

   She is the silent, deep type. She doesn't bother him coz she has pride. She's just secretly yearning and patiently waiting for him to go back in her arms. She cant help but compare him to every guy that she meets. Regret is what she eats and breathes. She may get married to someone else for 60 years but all that occupies her heart is the 1 year she spent with  your man :-( *so sad*
   

7.


   This scene feels like being straight out of the "Friends" set. Imagine hanging out with his pals and...her. Kinda awkward isn't it? They tease, punch and chitchat each other like true blue buddies. Of course to them there's nothing more to it...just mere friendship. They have long moved on from that lovey-dovey stage towards the platonic kind.

   But if I were in that position a tiny little voice would tell me it ain't right. I wouldn't want to hear those crazy little stories they used to share and listen to jokes and banters that only the two of them knows, or simply witness seeing them having so much fun together. I'd feel like an outsider intruding into their own private "world".

   Call me crazy and immature but my weird brain can't even stand looking at her lips, i'll just imagine how they used to kiss. I can't bear the sight of them playfully hug, for once upon a time they used to be lost in that passionate embrace.

   I personally don't like this set-up even when there's nothing more to it. It will only make me wonder if she knows him better than I do, if she makes him laugh harder or if he enjoys her company over me. And I'd absolutely hate the thought that everytime we have problems he'd turn to her and pour his heart out. It's gonna make me go crazy! I wouldn't help but compare and feel a pang of jealousy knowing that they used to be as closed as we are.

P.S.
   I'd also be wary if they had an on-off relationship over the years coz it's very likely that they might go back to each others arms again amidst constant proclamations of how OVER they are. I surely wouldn't know...    



  
   So girls, if you're on the other end of the spectrum and you happen to be an ex who's still mulling over some guy, please have some pride and dignity! Dont let his memory ruin you. Spare yourself from looking pathetic and desperate. I don't believe in "hoping someday we'll be together again crap" coz if he truly wants you, it should be NOW! A guy who's totally in love will move heaven and earth for you and not make you wait until you become a shriveled prune. You are not some discarded junk that men should pick up anytime they choose to. Do not push yourself to somebody who doesn't care anymore. Know when enough is enough. Put some value and worth to yourself before it's too late.

   Someday, you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. And when that happens, you surely wouldn't like to deal with those crazy ex girlfriends yourself. Lastly, love yourself more than anybody else coz its the best gift you can ever give  your life. Cased closed.:-)