When Jealousy Strikes

  I was a jealous bitch before. And it sucks! I hated anybody or anyone who i deem is a potential "threat". I would gladly punch, grind and smash the face of any woman who will openly flirt with my man. Afterall he's mine! mine! and mine! If only it was possible to put a leash on his neck or have my name tattoed on his forehead then I would've done it already.



  Sometimes we all have that occassional attack of the 
Our fist clenches, our teeth grits and our chest tightens especially when the "unwanted intruder" wanders into our territory. We have that animal instinct to fiercely guard what we feel is our own.



   Say for example a breathtakingly gorgeous woman passes by. One who's by all means a perfect 10. Initially we can't help but admire such beauty. But after awhile as we get back to our senses we realize that our men is still happily glued to her glorious vision  and mesmerized for what seems like an eternity. Sometimes we wanna slap their heads and berate them for SUCH blatant display of admiration. How could he have the gall to openly show it right in front of your face? He could've done it discreetly!

  Well, boys will be boys. No matter how hard we try to dissect, hit, pump or analyze their brains we still can't do anything about it. Men are highly visual creatures who appreciates beauty. Their brains are wired in a certain way that we girls cannot easily tap into. Their senses always reacts to anything that's aesthetically appealing. And their eyes subconsciously wanders to these unsuspecting targets.

   In time as I grew older and wiser...cough! cough! I realized that such a disposition is unhealthy. It's childish and immature. We are just torturing ourselves with thoughts of cheating and infidelity. We shouldnt let our insecurities eat us alive. Men are not blind and oblivious to the beauty that surrounds them. They have long enjoyed girl watching with their buds even before we entered their lives. It's perfectly normal. A harmless pastime. And a guy thing. We have to accept that it is one of their guilty pleasures in life. And men who denies that are either gay or hypocrites! Heck, even babies knows how to appreciate good looks as there was a study that infants stares longer at perfectly symmetrical faces.



   Just as long as our men remains loyal and faithful to us then I don't see any reason to be too dramatic over such issue. After all, we already have their hearts and bodies to indulge in haha! So why fret? They must've seen something special in us to begin with anyway! They are not puppies or robots that we can fully control or blindfold.  I learned that it's plain immature to chastise them for something they can't help. And the more we try to choke em', the more they'll try to resist. Men dont like possessive, whiny and clingy girlfriends who scrutinizes their every move. So the perfect solution is to just go with the flow and let them be. You can even join in the rating game. Nothing is sexier than a woman who's confident and sure of herself. They can stare, gawk and ogle all they want just as long as they don't cross the boundary. After all that's the only thing they can get anyway! Hah! Fleeting visual pleasures..

   A little jealousy here and there can be healthy just as long as it's not overly done. It ignites spark in a relationship. And adds a little drama. In fact I also love it when he gets jealous coz it means that he is so into me. Same thing goes for a guy, he may find it cute whenever you pout that tiny little pout and ask " But do you still find me the pretty?" of which he'll reply " Of course, you're the only one I see!". Haha! True or not, i know it sounds cheesy and unbelievable but so what! It makes you feel good anyway. And it makes you purr like a contented kitten wrapped in that person's arms.

    There will always be dozens of women out there who may be sexier or prettier. But those girls will just remain nameless and eventually forgotten. Please remember there's only one you in this world. The one who touches his heart. And it's your hands that he holds, lips that he kisses, and the one that he loves. With that, rest assured that you will always be the most beautiful woman in his eyes no matter what. :-)

My 7.4 Carat Diamond Engagement Ring

My stunning engagement ring...whew!

It was in here where he knelt down on his knees and proposed...

He also gave me an engagement watch...Cartier La Bella Donna

The villa at Amara Resort in Sentosa, Singapore

He made the venue look so dreamy and magical!

Simply breathtaking!

   Little girls often dream of becoming real life princesses. I remember adoring Cinderella and wishin' that someday I'll be able to find my very own prince. But in reality I had to endure kissing several frogs before my knight in shining armour entered my life. I almost stopped believing, but deep in my heart I never lost hope. I knew he was just out there in this big and crazy world waiting for me.

   Then it happens when you least expect it. Cupid strikes during moments when you thought you've actually given up the fight. I was in a stage wherein I was loving myself more. Exploring and doing things on my own without the need for a man. I was having the time of my life! Looking for Mr Right became how to be Miss Right. My "men mentality" suddenly took a backseat as I discovered and embraced the joys of singlehood. It wasn't bad after all. I had all the time in the world to do anything I want without being restrained, constricted or tied to a chain. I cut the ropes that binded me from the pressures society imposes to singledom. So what if I'm still unmarried?  Id rather be single than be miserably stuck with a dog. I was tired of my old life. Finally I was loving the new ME! I felt free as a bird, ready to soar whatever heights i wanna reach.

   It was during that time when Mr G  entered my life. He got my number from my aunt when he saw my picture but eventhough we both came from the same country, we never had the chance to meet coz we both led totally different lives. So our friendship just remained just like that, thru SMS...which eventually dwindled to zero communication.

   But who knew that in one of my family's yearly trips to Vegas that he'd also happen to be there? I was hitting the Strip and the casinos like there's no tomorrow. Fate really has a funny way of twisting things. Just when I was happy flying solo his presence would suddenly change all that. I almost backed out during our first meeting at Ceasars Palace coz I didn't feel ready enough to meet another guy. But something inexplicable made me stay. Some unknown forces were trying to pin me down by making me press the send button of my celphone to say "Yes I'm here!".

   And the inevitable happened. We finally met and since then he has never left my side. We journeyed life together thru its many ups and downs.  Two different souls collided and merged. And the ironic thing is I found my him through the other side of the planet.

   Eight months after he proposed to me in Singapore. We were both studying there that time. It happened during one of those ordinary days that I thought was uneventful. But when I woke up he filled the bathroom with pink heart shaped papers, i was obviously surprised and asked what it was all about. He just told me not to probe any further and that he'll be busy the whole day. He said he will just come back around dinnertime to fetch me.

   I was nervous and fidgety the whole time I was waiting. What is he up to? Is he about to pop the question? Am I even ready? Or is he really gonna propose or am I just imagining too much? So many questions! All of which were answered that night.

   Inside the car he gave me flowers. Then he drove me all the way to Sentosa at Amara Resort. He rented a nice little villa with a pool. At first he made me wait outside for awhile. Then the moment I entered the door I heard Josh Groban's "You Raise Me Up" being played thru violin. The whole placed looked so dreamy and magical. Balloons, candles, confettis and mini gift boxes (all in my fave shades of lilac and pink) were strewn all over. There was even a large bouquet of flowers and gifts in the middle displayed as a centerpiece. Wow, I was really taken aback! I eventually found out that he hired a planner to organize this momentous event.

   He then led me to the room where in the middle of a canopy bed lies the BOX! This is it! This is certainly the moment! He opened the box and i saw a beautiful, stunning and brilliant ring...a 7.4 carat diamond engagement ring set in platinum with tiny diamonds on the side.He even topped the previous 3 carat diamond ring i received from a former fiance. Then he knelt down on his knees and asked me to marry him. I was touched and dizzy from all the flurry of mixed emotions when I said "YES!". Things were unfolding right before my very eyes. And he JUST slipped a ring thru my finger!

   We then hugged. The moment that I've somehow ignored is happening again. And the wonder why it is all materializing remains a mystery. I realized that the more I pushed love to happen, the more it became elusive so I just let nature take it's course. And this is what I got.

   His feelings are made tangible with this object that is symbolic. He chose me to be his bride someday and any girl would feel special. Anyway, irregardless of the circumstances or who am i with i knew that I could've gotten a toy ring and i wouldn't have cared, i could've been proposed to at a fastfood and it would have been fine. Just as long as it's with that special someone. It's not about how expensive a ring is or how extravagant a proposal setting is, it's about the love and loyalty that two people share...one that spans beyond all the material things in the world. And that's all that matters to me...Cinderella or not!      

Lover's Bitchings

   Mr G and I fought again. This time over some petty trivial things that escalated because of my pride and big mouth. I have an unfortunate habit of speaking without thinking, of saying the 'wrong words' at the wrong time. When we argue all the arrows always point at me as the major cause of all troubles. Yes i admit that i may be 3 years older than him but his maturity level is comparable to that of an old soul while mine's pitifully to that of a child..

   We have what you call a rollercoaster relationship. Sort of a bipolar love where two individuals merge and collide. Some days  he likes to put me on a pedestal. Then there are days when all he wants to do is throw me out the window especially when I'm being unreasonable and stubborn.

   When he's angry, you can be his worst enemy. When he's happy, you are his queen. He is what he is and nobody can change that. In the first place his transparency and honesty was what attracted me to him the most. No guy has ever put me in my rightful place. I was a bossy, bitchy and insensitive woman before, which was just a facade to cover all my weaknesses and insecurities. But sadly, nobody from the past cared enough to change my ways, nobody was patient enough to tame, guide and mold me into a better person, nobody was brave enough to point out my mistakes, nobody loved me enough to break all the walls of my defenses...until I met this guy.

   He's a fresh whiff of air. A far cry from those boring and dumb breed of men whose common denominator is to speak the language of flattery and crap just to get into your pants. With him, what you see is what you get. He is not the type of guy who'll tell me I look pretty during days when I look shitty. He is not the type who'll tolerate disrespect. He criticizes me so that I will learn and improve. He is the type of guy who doesn't mince his words. Sometimes he can be brutally frank that it hurts. Well, the truth hurts anyway and I have no choice but to digest each and every word that comes out of his mouth...everything that I'm guilty of.
 
   Ours is not a perfect relationship (there's no such thing anyway!). We may disagree, bicker and clash like Tom and Jerry   but we always try to kiss and make up after each episode. Sometimes the sweetest kiss and the warmest hug happens after an exhausting fight. Especially when there's nothing left but love and forgiveness. I melt at the first sign of a smile. It makes me feel guilty and bad from misbehaving. He tries to discipline me the right way so that I'll avoid committing the same mistakes again. And he sees how apologetic I am not just with words but through actions as well.

   In fact I made macaroni pasta for him, a tiny act of peace offering that shows how sorry I am. He almost always surrenders with gestures like these and the battle is over! I salute him for not giving up on me. Although i'm still a major 'work in progress', I'll try my utmost best to be deserving of the kind of love i am given. To stop whining about unimportant things and to start acting my age. And if all else fails, perhaps a little spanking will do the trick. :)

Sorry my dear, next time I promise to be a good girl..wink...wink! ;-)

Don't Look For Love It Will Just Find You

 

     I remember writing this piece before when I was younger, single and bored with my life. It now amuses me as to how many things have changed since then. Although I'm in a happier state right now, I just want to share a piece of me that viewed love in a different way. I have to admit that I really found love when I least expected it. Happy reading!..................

    "DON'T LOOK FOR LOVE IT WILL JUST FIND YOU"  We may have heard of this cliche several times already. It does make sense if it actually happens, but what if after a thousand and one dates you still find yourself moping alone? Apparently, much to your chagrin, you have to admit that there's SOMETHING wrong and it can be quite frustrating  esp. if you're no longer in your teens and currently facing a chronological dilemma. Then it's high time for you to do some major evaluation. That's when your savant, hypothetical and critical sides start to manifests itself.

     You begin to ponder and recall the predominant moments that occurred and ransack for details stored somewhere in your memory bin.  Review different angles, the highlights, the low downs and practically analyze every nooks and cranny of your life wondering where you've gone wrong. And when the horde of "whys" that flood your mind remain unanswered, you start to find fault in everything. From questioning your luck, your KARMA, to the point of blaming even the stars and constellations above for continuously conniving in the prevention of "Mr.  Perfect" to come your way. 

     In denial you theorize that the sun and moons in  the universe weren't properly aligned the exact moment that you were conceived which keeps altering your fate. Pathetic as it may sound, in lighted candles, sacred incense and unintelligible mantras, you mumble  and chant to the gods of the high heavens (GUIDED BY HOW TO FIND HIM  COSMIC BOOKS) for the emergence of the ultimate one. "Ebekelele umpa unga unda lunda yakkity ukulala!" Undaunted, you  belligerently challenge and psyche yourself that YES!  you will find  him...sooner...or later, even if it means becoming a wandering nomad.

 Surely fate must just playing games with you (again?).

      Ever since,man has this banal notion of wanting the best CATCH for egoistic reasons. Subconsciously, there's this innate desire of wanting to be constantly admired, to be envied by others. And the idea of being one, further heightens his desire to be identified with someone who fits  his ideals, because he deems it as a reflection of good taste and high standards. Thus, there are those who thrive on the attention that others give to boost their flagging self-esteems, mediocrity has no place in  their realms. So the satisfaction of getting a prize catch duly confirms his imperious nature.. 

     But to be too picky just for the sole purpose of self gratification defeats the purpose of finding real love since superficial paradigms gets in the way of measuring a persons worth. It is quite reasonable to also consider the physical and external factors, but to be overly discriminating cuts short the great possibilities and chances that may transpire. For how else would you get to know a person on a deeper level if you keep on zeroing in on even his tiniest  flaws, if you inconsiderably disregard someone just because he wore an  eccentric outfit on your very first date and automatically add his name to the list of geek files, or just because he finds Roseanne Barr the epitome of being a woman doesn't necessarily mean there's something wrong  with his head, maybe he has this penchant for Reubenesque figures and he's simply appalled at the sight of anorexic looking women because he happens to be a pro-healthy advocate that is concerned more with  well-being than vanity.

      Remember, to each his own since every individual is a  patchwork of diverse and complex characters that constitute on how he is as a being. Nobody's perfect and finding "such" in an ocean of oddballs is truly an Olympic feat to boot. I'm not implying that you should jump into whoever is available at the moment, but it's just logical enough to regard those who have potentials too. Sometimes there's more than meets the eye, and the intangible beauty hidden  underneath every facade can only be seen in time. Don't be judgmental and  take the time to get to know him better.

     So the next time you see that neon emergency "EXIT" sign flashing on his forehead, don't dash off at once. Be considerate enough to take note of his other sides as well, know his  strengths and weaknesses, see if you can stand and accept his views. But if after several coffee breaks you realize that you have ZERO chemistry, that there's nothing fascinating about him, that the two of you are as different as day and night, that he bores you to tears, that your compatibility ratio is ten to one then it's perfectly reasonable to RUN to the nearest door.

     If only finding that certain someone is as easy as playing a roulette, and there's no points or factors to consider...just spin the wheel and  VOILA!  who ever the arrow will point to will be your instant mate. Then we'd all be spared from the agony of trying to find that person in this  confusing labyrinth of life. Being numb and emotionless will alleviate those aching and longings....But we're not robots merely programmed to adapt to another simulation, we're human beings! And that's what sets us apart in this world, we have the ability to feel...to LOVE.

      And that's another essential  aspect to deal with once you've reached the cusp of platonic  friendship with a possible mate. It is the hardest part to contend with because liking someone is as easy as counting 1-2-3's but learning to love that person is the Pythagorean theorem equivalent of it. It takes  numerous sincerity and tremendous effort for it to grow, it's a  metamorphosis of feelings and how you interact determines its ability to bloom.

      So before you consume all the remaining hopes in your system....and blame the heavens again for your misfortune, you should THINK not just once or twice but even a hundred times. Instead of only focusing on  the outside, study yourself too. Don't bite on the distorted concepts  that society feeds you. Maybe it's you who keeps running away that hinders love from finding you. Cut that fantasy of a knight-in shining-armor who will only rescue you in your dreams. Stop looking for that "perfect  person" which is nonexistent and try to bend your illusions to a more pragmatic level. 

   Sometimes you just fail to realize that the one you are looking for is already there, right in front of your very eyes. You just don't see it because you don't want to and because you're too busy scanning the horizon for a better one. Just open  your eyes...for who knows, maybe that geek you openly detest possesses  all the qualities you've been looking for. And amidst his quirks, lurks a passionate, romantic and sensitive man. A wonderful romance waiting to unfold once you let him find his way to your heart...and this  time around you need not look for it anymore.                    

Christmas Presents from My Fiance

L

   I was one happy girl last Christmas with the wonderful gifts my fiance gave me. We  have this mini thing between the two of us that we write a list of the things that we desire. Complete with what style, model, color...all that specs. From there we will both choose what we want to give each other. At least we're both guaranteed that we are gonna like the presents. It's such a joy to unwrap the gifts one by one and receive the things on my wish list.
   But i still think the most precious gift of all is to have the heart of somebody you love. One thing that money can't buy...with that you couldnt ask for more.