Lover's Bitchings

   Mr G and I fought again. This time over some petty trivial things that escalated because of my pride and big mouth. I have an unfortunate habit of speaking without thinking, of saying the 'wrong words' at the wrong time. When we argue all the arrows always point at me as the major cause of all troubles. Yes i admit that i may be 3 years older than him but his maturity level is comparable to that of an old soul while mine's pitifully to that of a child..

   We have what you call a rollercoaster relationship. Sort of a bipolar love where two individuals merge and collide. Some days  he likes to put me on a pedestal. Then there are days when all he wants to do is throw me out the window especially when I'm being unreasonable and stubborn.

   When he's angry, you can be his worst enemy. When he's happy, you are his queen. He is what he is and nobody can change that. In the first place his transparency and honesty was what attracted me to him the most. No guy has ever put me in my rightful place. I was a bossy, bitchy and insensitive woman before, which was just a facade to cover all my weaknesses and insecurities. But sadly, nobody from the past cared enough to change my ways, nobody was patient enough to tame, guide and mold me into a better person, nobody was brave enough to point out my mistakes, nobody loved me enough to break all the walls of my defenses...until I met this guy.

   He's a fresh whiff of air. A far cry from those boring and dumb breed of men whose common denominator is to speak the language of flattery and crap just to get into your pants. With him, what you see is what you get. He is not the type of guy who'll tell me I look pretty during days when I look shitty. He is not the type who'll tolerate disrespect. He criticizes me so that I will learn and improve. He is the type of guy who doesn't mince his words. Sometimes he can be brutally frank that it hurts. Well, the truth hurts anyway and I have no choice but to digest each and every word that comes out of his mouth...everything that I'm guilty of.
 
   Ours is not a perfect relationship (there's no such thing anyway!). We may disagree, bicker and clash like Tom and Jerry   but we always try to kiss and make up after each episode. Sometimes the sweetest kiss and the warmest hug happens after an exhausting fight. Especially when there's nothing left but love and forgiveness. I melt at the first sign of a smile. It makes me feel guilty and bad from misbehaving. He tries to discipline me the right way so that I'll avoid committing the same mistakes again. And he sees how apologetic I am not just with words but through actions as well.

   In fact I made macaroni pasta for him, a tiny act of peace offering that shows how sorry I am. He almost always surrenders with gestures like these and the battle is over! I salute him for not giving up on me. Although i'm still a major 'work in progress', I'll try my utmost best to be deserving of the kind of love i am given. To stop whining about unimportant things and to start acting my age. And if all else fails, perhaps a little spanking will do the trick. :)

Sorry my dear, next time I promise to be a good girl..wink...wink! ;-)