Saturday, July 17, 2010

Men, men, men

   Mara asked me to post a blog for Team Carnival about men. Hmmm...such an interesting but very broad topic. I could almost write an entire book about them but of course I cannot:-)

So here goes...
   Most women love men. Count the spinsters and lesbians out and the rest of the female population and "gaydom" would rejoice at the sight of raining men. They add color and spice to our world. They come in all sorts of packages, colors, height, race and whatever you can think of. It's just a matter of catching the best one and with that you have to be alert...or else you could drown and suffocate from too much of them.  

Pouty Girl

   But when I was a little girl I hated boys. Why? Because they are rowdy, rude and i think they are STUPID. They love to steal my toys and candies. They beat me during races and laugh at anything cute and pink. I vowed to myself that I will never EVER like any man except my dad.

   Thanks to my brother who introduced me to the wonderful world of men. He opened my innocent eyes to who, how and what they really are. Let me cite some unforgettable and "lovely" instances:

1. He'll chase me with his giant boogers and try to flick them all over me. Yuch!

2. He'll put his stinky feet up on my face and let me inhale its putrid odor.
stinky feet

Or even worse,

3. He'll wipe his smelly ass and shove it onto my nose. Ewww!
ass wipe

4. He once told an ugly old man that I like him and I got sooo mad that I punched him really hard!
illegal wraps,black eyed cotto

5. He'll show us his tiny tushy and we'd freak out coz it looked as if he has a waggy tail in front.
Little Boy and Girl

Image by

   Anything repulsive and gross he'll do to make me and my 2 younger sisters life a living hell. He enjoyed the very sight of our crying faces and terrified expressions. And found no remorse in his crazy pranks. If only it was possible to kill someone, I would've set him on fire! He was a monster and it somewhat formed my initial representation of MEN!

Image by

   Growing up, when soirees and parties where all the rage, when sweet puppy love was in the air, when young starry-eyed boys began courting perception of them didn't change much. Despite the chocolates, flowers and declarations of mushy "together-forever" kind of love, I'm still wary of their breed. My stomach retches at the thought of kissing them. What with their yuchy and smelly salivas? No way! I'd rather kiss my pet puppy than boys whose tongues I suppose were full of germs. :-)

gave you
   Somehow i cannot shake off the disturbing image playing inside my head of them doing some belching, fartfest and numerous stupid antics. Take it from my brother, who seems like a true blue gentleman around the girls he likes. When in reality, he acts as an idiot and complete jerk! I imagined all guys were the same. All fake and pretentious. He recycles the flowers I receive by re-sending them to all his "girls". He even copies the loveletters i receive and marks it as his own. How cool is that? Gee If only those girls could see!     

   But over the years I realized that not all of these rascals turn into stupid adults. Some grow up and transform into sensible human beings capable of acting decent. They DO evolve after all! Most of them, if not all passes through a phase of immaturity and childishness. From terrorizing little girls, comparing penises, to reading Playboy, eventually they learn to outgrow these things and become more mature. For there comes a time when they start to behave more like their dads and a little less of their silly old selves.

Bad Apple
   But be warned! Not all boys turn to good men or become fresh shiny apples when they grow up. Some are rotten, some are spoiled, some have worms, and some doesn't fall far from the tree. Just take a look at how their parents are and you'll get an idea of how they might be.

   Some even develop Peter Pan complex wherein they never really grow up. Most of these poor men remain under their mother's skirts for the rest of their lives. Unable to fully fend for themselves and nothing is more despicable than the sight of a grown up man acting all goofy and cute.

   Choosing the right man is like picking the best apple. From a multitude of good-for-nothing men inhabiting the planet, they are rare and hard to find. Once you find him it's like winning the jackpot! You are automatically spared from indigestion and a lifetime of suffering. But one has to be smart and wise in discerning which is which coz once you're tied with them it is HARD to give them back.
   Oh men, men, men! Sometimes I'd like to think that I totally understand them but I know I would just be lying to myself. They are created in such a way we women will never totally get. They are like puzzles that continue to baffle our brains with their odd behaviours and strange ways. They seem so simple yet so complex! Just check out their preferences and you'll get the picture. They usually go for the 3C's. Cars, cash and chicks. While we women focus on the L thing which is love and loyalty.

   At times I hate them because they are the cause of our problems. From heartaches to sacrifice, patience and distress. Why again? coz they have the tendency to act like slobs on the couch hogging the remote control like there's no tomorrow and they CAN remain glued infront of the tv watching ESPN all day...while chips, dirty clothes and empty beer cans are strewn all over the place...tsk...tsk...What's worse is they expect us women to clean after their mess. Sometimes we just want to knock their heads off and shout "Hellooo! Back to earth I'm here! Wanna help? Yoohoo?!". And all they'll say is "Woohoo! Perfect shot!" we sigh in frustration, they'll even offer us a high-five!

   They easily get bored and find ways to evade conversations that starts with the lines "We need to talk". They'd rather play with their ps3's and close their ears. And if we insist on having those TALKS, they'll accuse us of being naggers who sounds like broken records. It makes us feel as if we are talking to kids! Perhaps its because they see in us a mother figure who has to look after them 24/7.  

I love Me
    Yet I also love them coz they somehow complete our very existence. Without them we cannot procreate. We cannot pass our "precious" genes to produce cute babies. Yeah, we need their sperms but we also need their love to make us feel like a woman. A blissful woman contented and in love.

   We need a man to hug us when we feel alone, admire us when we feel insecure, touch us when we feel empty and love us when we feel lonely. Nothing is more comforting than the sound of sweet and genuine whispers murmured directly to our ears.

   We need a man to share our dreams with, to inspire us in achieving our goals and to motivate us to be the best that we could ever be. We need their shoulders to lean on in times of crisis, their sturdy arms to lift us from trouble and their hearts as source of joy and strength. We need them to create a family, to make healthy sound decisions and to support us in building a brighter future for our kids.       
   Now that my brother has 3 kids of his own, he has become a father himself. A far cry from that dirty little kid all covered with snot. Sometimes I shake my head in disbelief knowing that this was the very same brother who caused my young life so much grief. He has progressed to a man responsible after the lives of the 3 souls he brought forth in this world.

   Everytime I play with those kids, I can't help but smile seeing how much alike they are with their dad. Whenever I ask them if they will ever like a girl, all three would cringe in unison and shout "Ewww!". The eldest would say "I'll put her in a rocket and send her to space so I'll never get to see her again." The second would say "I'll never ever like a girl! I'll run and hide inside the cabinet." while the youngest will shout "I'll punch her!". Then they'd go back to being lost in their own world filled with Legos and amazing Superheroes.

   So naive and innocent they still don't know what they're talking about for once upon a time their father was exactly just like them. I know one day these little boy's ewwws will turn to ooohs! at the mere sight of pretty girls. Someday, perhaps ten summers later, when these boys become men themselves, they might just laugh as they remember uttering those silly words. By then, they would've grown into fine young men ready to love women the right way.

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   Im no longer that same little girl who totally hates boys. Time, talk and tidbits of experiences have opened my eyes to what kind of creatures they really are. They are not so disgusting after all! I learned to see beyond their childish armour. There's really so much more to them. It's just a matter of trying to understand them even when they seem so impossible to comprehend. Men are wonderful and at the same time scary. They are fascinating and also boring. They can be sweet and obnoxious. A walking contradiction.

   Wether we like it or not, we need them and they need us. They are the yin to our yang. The blood in our veins. The air we breathe. The missing piece. The meat in the pasta. The other half. Without them there won't be us. And without us, the world will be a dull and empty place to live in.    
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InHeels-ITrust said...

Very Interesting, couple laughs. I Enjoyed the reading...

(old page: page:

Karen said...

Quite an engaging read that reflects many of our take on men! I agree that we need the good ones to be in our lives.. not the bad apples that forever remain with the same bad temperament eek. Have a great weekend!

Rinny said...

Lol great post - you got a few laughs out of me. That's so terrible of your brother to terrorize you like that when you were young - I'm glad mine wasn't as bad haha.

Mara said...

*Worships* I KNEW YOU'D KICK ASS IN THIS ONE! *bearhugs* I love your entry. It's different, it's unique, anyone can relate, I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!

Em said...

I don't have a brother so thank God that I and my younger sister was spared with all the boy yuckyness while growing up.

I enjoyed reading your entry ;)


Thank you for the nice comments, super appreciate it! And Mara I really enjoyed doing this post so thanks for inviting me again:-) hugs!

Annah said...

Bahahha. That bad wannabe Twilight apple is priceless :) Thanks for the blog lovin'.

libys11 said...

aahh yes to good men!!! very well written post! :D i love how you really incorporated anecdotes of your personal life from when you were little and until you're growing up.. :)

i enjoyed reading this! :D

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Elecat said...

Brilliant. I'm still having a little giggle now as I type however I think my hubby would disagree. According to him I am the one who is hard to understand. Sometimes we work so well together but sometimes it's a little like 'men v women' and his arguments as to why men are so obviously superiour to women (yes, he's stirring the shit out of me) make so little sense that I'm left baffled. If he wasn't so cute & such an amazing father, I'd throw something hard at his head out of pure frustration.

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