Sunday, June 20, 2010
Letter to My Dad
Happy Fathers Day! I'm writing this at some busy airport during a stopover in some faraway land. I see tons of families with beaming daddies and kids in tow together on this special occassion. Yet here I am just thinking about you. I wish I'm back home trying to make it a special day for you*sighs*.
I remember when I was still a scrawny kid complete with pigtails and goo on my face. You'd carry me around and we'll play horsey-horsey on your lap. I'd chuckle and giggle. So full of innocence and wonder. I felt so safe in your arms. You'd do your infamous "yah tigidig-tigidig" horsey voice. And I'd always laugh at those silly sounds. That was such a cute moment that will forever be implanted in my mind.
As I grew older I also started to kept distance. Perhaps because I could never imagine sharing boy crushes, makeups and periods with you. But you still showed me you care by lecturing me stuffs about my limitations as a woman. I turned to my friends for my dose of girlie talks. You would just shrug your shoulders as you hear me swoon about who's cute and what outfit looks hot. Your protective instincts were on a high when I started to date. You'd scrutinize and judge every kid on the block who asks me out.
As my teenage years emerged, i found you boring and a major obstacle to my misadventures. Man, how I hated those curfews you imposed! I would roll my eyes with those lengthy sermons about the hazards of men. I closed my ears and chose not to listen. I became a rebelious bitch who's unafraid of anything.
Years of heartaches, broken relationships and dramas came my way. You were a silent witness to it all. I watched as your frustrations multiplied by the minute. There you were trying to guide me and here I was still trying to act almighty and stubborn. I even answered you back with my stupid childish words!
I learned most of my lessons the hard way. I could almost hear you say " If only you listened to me..." I had to grow and mature on my own to realize those things. I learned that you were only after what's best for me.
Everytime I listen to the song "Butterfly Kisses" I can't help but cry. Why? coz I remember you and how wonderful you are. The lyrics perfectly describes what we have. And I could just imagine more tears to be shed on that fateful day when you'll finally give me away.
And now that I'm completely a grown woman, I began to appreciate all the hard work and efforts you took in trying to rear me into someone you can be proud of. If only I could erase those wasted years of hard headedness. If only I have showed gratitude instead of anger. If only I listened and applied your words of wisdom... Then I could've been the perfect daughter you wished me to be. I'm sorry...:-(
But it's not too late now. I still have several years ahead to make up for what I've lost, to show my appreciation and to let you know that despite my indifference...I have always loved you. We're not the touchy-feely kind anymore. We don't do the huggie wuggie, or play horsey-horsey anymore but I know and feel the love we have for each other is there. Burning ever so brightly. Amidst my makeup, newfound freedom and independence, I'm still that scrawny kid...your little baby.
Someday, the guy i'll marry will take your place away. But you'll forever be the first man that my heart ever loved. It was your hands that I held first and the very first guy that I looked up to. I may not always say or show how much you mean to me, but deep inside my heart is bursting with too much emotions to let you know how proud I am to have you as my dad.
I love you...
I'm writing this from the heart, heck you might not even get to read this coz you still adamantly refuse to be swayed by all those techie stuffs and all that...I'll just send you my kisses up in the air and hope they reach you just in time:-)
Your precious child,