Friday, May 21, 2010

PBB Teen Edition Tricia's Birthday...Personal Insights


anime girl crying


   Im not a fan of PBB or whatsoever but I happened to chance upon an episode last night wherein they showed  two teen girls celebrating their birthdays and Big Brother asked the housemates which party they want to attend. There's this girl named Tricia which apparently everybody hated because of her childish and immature ways. All her fellow housemates chose to attend the other party making her feel even more isolated and unwanted, while only a few of the foreign housemates attended hers.
   It was such a pity to publicly humiliate a young girl by depicting how unpopular and unloved she is. My heart bled upon seeing her reaction as one by one the local housemates celebrated with the other girl. They rejoiced knowing that nobody wanted to spend that special night with her and the few who attended looked as mere consolation to the empty chairs and tables that surrounded her. How cruel!

  It affected me coz I know how it feels like to be left in the dark. When I was younger a lot of other girls bullied and connived in making my life miserable. They thrived on my downfall. Just because of the stupid fact that I had quite a lot suitors and got more attention. I hate it when other girls enjoy lambasting me because of the special treatment I get. I certainly did not ask for those things, they just happened. And I never feel as if I'm someone special. In fact I admit that I'm the most insecure person in the world. What happened during my teenage days affected me psychologically that up to now I'm still carrying some of those emotional trauma. I have never ever felt I'm all that. I cringe everytime somebody compliments me. There's always that disbelief coz I still somehow feel I'm not good enough.

   People often judge base on how you look. They think that when your pretty your life is a piece of cake. Well I sometimes think it's the other way around. All the unwanted attention often leads to gossip and envy. People use and befriend you for the wrong reasons. They dont even care to know your true feelings coz to them why bother when you seem to have it all. That is just an illusion they chose to create. And it's hard coz you are always misconstrued and misunderstood. Beauty without substance. They automatically assume that your a selfish bitch worthy to be annihilated on the face of the planet.

    I remember not wanting to celebrate birthdays anymore because I knew deep inside nobody will want to attend anyways. There was one time when I held a party and only a few decided to go. It totally crushed my heart. The sight of empty tables and uneaten food broke my heart tremendously. At a young age I realized that the world can be a cruel place and i have to learn how to fend for myself. In this dog eats dog world, you have to have a heart of steel in order to survive. So I built and surrounded myself with invisible walls so that nobody will ever know how wounded I am deep inside. I feigned toughness. A mask that belied my weakness and emptiness. It became my defense mechanism to survive reality. I became withdrawn and aloof. I had a hard time trusting which resulted to a lot of failed relationships. I envy those who are lucky to be surrounded with genuine friends because I don't really know how it feels like.  

   The show last night relived those scars I have long tried to forget. It made me cry coz nobody deserves to be treated like that. Not even my worst enemy. We all want to be accepted for who we are irregardless of our flaws. Nobody wants to be an outcast and be treated as if you have a leper. We should reach out to them because they are the ones who needs it the most. If we ostracize and ridicule them, the more they will develop a complex which only gets harder to fix as the years go by. We cannot totally judge these individuals because we don't know what kind of environment they grew up or experiences they went through. These people didn't  develop that kind of attitude overnight, a lot of factors have to be considered.

   I wish that someday we'll all live in a world without hatred and prejudice. That we'll all be one instead of being divided. Where there's only love and understanding burning in our souls. It maybe a gargantuan task, but if it starts in our hearts, one day at a time then there'd still be hope for the next generation. We would no longer have future Tricias who are unjustly victimized by the norms of society. And we'll all sleep peacefully knowing that our would be children or grandchildren will all be in a safer, better and happier place :-) 


1 comment:

yasminjoo said...

I saw that show too and I almost cried. I know exactly how it feels!